The People’s Daily, once referred to as the codpiece (sorry mouthpiece) of the Chinese Communist Party has reported an article in the satirical website the Onion as fact.
The Onion declared Kim Jong Un, or Lil Kim as he is affectionately known as ‘the Sexiest Man Alive in 2012′
The Onion reported:
With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile,” it said.
“He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,” said Marissa Blake-Zweiber, editor of The Onion Style and Entertainment.
The fact that the People’s Daily are even bothering to report this sort of tripe, would make Mao turn over in his Maoseleum. In the 1950s TV and radio were known as the ‘throat and tongue’ (houshe 喉舌) of the Chinese Communist Party and they played a key role in disseminating Party policy and propaganda to the far reaching corners of China. In 2012, it seems they are scouring the internet for titbits desperate to gain a market share.
In a brief round up of news from the central kingdom:
- blind Chinese activist Chen Guangcheng might be allowed to go on a ‘gap year’ to the states
Chen had campaigned against forced abortions in his home province of Shandong and had met the brunt of provincial official brutality. Until he knocked on the US door of the US embassy….
- Weetabix are now 60% owned by Chinese company Bright Food.
The Sun have reported that the boss of Bright Food can only manage two Weetabix for breakfast…
either breakfasts in China will start getting better, or breakfast in England will be full of cadmium dihydrophosphodiesterase E4934.
I happen to like Weetabix but a head chef at the Savoy describes them as “cakes that you give to dogs”
Bright Food are also after United Biscuits, which makes Jaffa Cakes and Hula Hoops, and French yoghurt group Yoplait.
What next? Curly Wurlys and petit filous watch out..
Tony is one of the world’s worst war criminals and I support the international effort to arrest him.
On 2 May 1997, millions of disillusioned middle class parents were taken in by his charming smile and persuaded to join him on his series of religious wars/crusades.
Who is Tony?
Tony is one of the world’s worst war criminals. In 1994 he took over leadership of an existing marginalised rebel group (Labour) and renamed it the New Labour (NL).
The NL has earned a reputation for its cruel and brutal tactics. When Tony found himself running out of members of his own cabinet, he started abducting non elected officials to be ‘advisers’ in his army or “gurus” for his officers.
The NL were encouraged to take over media, spend money on flat screen TVs, and deceive civilians–often with fake dossiers.
The NL is no longer active in northern Westminster but it continues its campaign of deception in Western Wales, the Central Republic of Stockton on Tees, and the People’s Republic of South Sunderland. In its 18-year history, the NL has abandoned more than 50,000 children and displaced at least 2.1 million people.
What is the goal of TONY 2012?
Invisible Classwar has been working for 9 years to end the UK’s longest-running unarmed conflict. U.S. military advisers are currently deployed in Central London on a “time-limited” mission to stop Tony and disarm the NL. If Tony isn’t captured this year, the window will be gone.
Sign the pledge to help us bring Tony to justice in 2012.
please watch the video. Get the bracelets, retweet this post. Get it on facebook, Bebo, Myspace, CBeebies, the lot.
Kim busts out some beats with David Guetta
Our Great Leader Vs Skrillex
Kim and Daft Punk
Click for more great Kim beats
Although the White House has announced its disapproval at Benettons’ new ad campaign there has been no denial of the romance that has been slowly blossoming. White House spokesman Eric Schulz wrote: ‘The White House has a longstanding policy disapproving of the use of the president’s name and likeness for commercial purposes.”
No denial then.
Tensions between the two world leaders have been rising in recent weeks after Obama announced that he was sending 2,500 US troops to be based in Australia. This is presumably to remind China that America exists and hasnt forgotten that there is lots of oil in the south China sea and to give the troops a snorkeling holiday.
China has recently signed an agreement with other South Asian countries setting out some guidelines as to what the laws of the sea should be. There have been a number of disputes in the South China Seas in recent years over oil and land rights. The US are remaining ‘neutral’ but are backing up the Phillipines in an argument over the Spratly islands.
The argument seems to stem from a debate over who has the oldest map. China claims it found some really old ones.
For more research into the South China Seas disputes, please watch this educational clip:
I am not trying to make this a Panda related website. However, I am noticing a trend in the things that I post. (if you haven’t seen “say never say no to panda” see below) However, this video is too good to miss really. Most people think of pandas as cute furry docile creatures. This video proves that that is all a load of baloney. Pandas are massive LADS. Fact. Enjoy.
Ps some non panda posts will come shortly.
Best advert I have seen in a while.
I think I have found my new favourite website.
Things that Kim Jong Il looks at. This site is truly awesome. Good job.
Any idea what the most popular beer in the world is?
Sitting back with your friends enjoying a bud? Waaazzzzup?
enjoy drinking what is probably the best lager?
Would you give a XXXX for it? Best things come to those who wait?
No. The world’s most popular beer is Snow Beer (雪花啤酒)
According to the Telegraph, the Chinese drank 16.5bn pints of Snow last year.
Although most Chinese beers taste quite samey (think of a watered down bud light), I happen to think Snow actually tastes quite nice with a spicy meal. It is pretty inoffensive. At least I thought they were until I saw their latest marketing campaign…..
Snow beer are offering several lucky punters the chance to go to Kekexili – the Tibetan plateau. Here the fortunate winners can trod around on environmentally protected ground pissing off endangered species such as the Tibetan antelope . According to Jonathan Watts’ article in the Guardian, the plateau is “China’s most treasured nature reserve’ and has a ‘No Human Zone’, which as the name implies, is not supposed to be visited by anyone, yet Snow have gone ahead with their promotion even before they have permission.”
It would be as if Fosters offered their punters the chance for a lads holiday to the Galapagos islands to go and drink some brews, piss on a turtle’s face and eat its eggs in a giant fry up.
I should stop now, I don’t want to give them any ideas for competitions.