It’s been over three years since our last KFC update, but happily this time the news is so good you might be tempted to lick your fingers!
Super Chinese search engine Baidu has partnered with the Louisville-based fowl giant Kentucky Fried Chicken to trial a new “smart restaurant” in Beijing. The smart bit is that the restaurant has terminals which use face recognition software to suggest a choice of meal, based on the customer’s age, gender and mood. A worked example might be as follows: “Hi – you appear to be a 47 year old man who is disillusioned with the state of the world in 2017 – have a family bargain bucket!”
However, disappointed fast food enthusiast and former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Buckethead (pictured) is reported as saying that the face recognition terminals “simply do not work”.
65 years after KFC first opened its doors, the identity of the 11 herbs and spices that go into founder Colonel Harland Sanders’ “original recipe” coating remains a matter of intense speculation . However, if I had to guess, I would go for salt, black pepper, white pepper, celery salt, garlic salt, thyme, basil, oregano, dried mustard, paprika and ground ginger.
More at the Guardian.
It seems everyone is saying “duang” and no-one knows why – except maybe Jackie Chan.
At Brushduck we are happy to go along with this.
Brush Duck enters the space race, giving a big thumbs up and tip of the space helmet visor to the unmanned Chinese landing module which is expected to touch down today in the Bay of Rainbows, the Moon. The landing module will deploy the robotic rover and Oriental sex-toy soundalike “Jade Rabbit” which will presumably buzz around a bit collecting soil and then record a twerking video for Youku.
Not always praised for his foresight, it seems that Mao must have had 30 September 2013 in mind when he proclaimed that “Who never climbed the Great Wall cannot be deemed a Man” (不到长城非好汉). For on that day the total ninny from Stratford, Ontario, Justin Beiber, got carried up the Wall by his bodyguards, before celebrating like an idiot.
If you’re going to find yourself hanging from a fourth floor window ledge, try to make sure you have this set of helpful Zhejiang couriers down below you.
Ideally, in these circumstances, the ground crew will have time to put a full bed-sheet plan into operation (see illustration below) – however, the gang managed to break the toddler’s fall well enough and she was left with only minor injuries.
Not as well known as Hong Kong or Shanghai for it’s upwards protrusions, Beijing does still have its fair share of mighty erections. And, with the skyline already boasting one building firmly in the the trouser department (the quite unique CCTV Headquarters, commonly known as 大裤衩 or “Big Pants”), purile Beijingers now been handed the gift of the new People’s Daily HQ to laugh at:
“But…it looks like a…colossal penis!”
Let’s hope that the new workplace will inspire People’s Daily staff to produce some truly seminal output!
A moving video report from the Guardian.
Anonymous stories of children denouncing their parents as counterrevolutionaries are often used to illustrate the all-pervasive horrors of the Cultural Revolution. However, it is a brave move for this man to talk openly about his regrets over his actions forty-three years on.
Click here to see the video.
We’ve all tried a nifty shortcut on the way home when sozzled. But when rolling back from his village local in rural Zhejiang in the early hours of Thursday morning, I’m sure this man didn’t expect his ambitious diversion would end up being splashed across the UK’s finest (Sun, Daily Mail).
The unfortunate man had to wait til morning to be rescued when the owner of one of the walls (pictured on the left) allowed the fire department to knock through it.
A lesson to all.
Often seen as the world’s biggest goody goody, the Dalai Lama has been accused by chairman of the Tibet Autonomous Region People’s Congress (TAR) Chadma Poling of paying Tibetans in areas of Sichuan, Gansu and Qinghai in China’s south-west to set themselves on fire to stick it to the Chinese government. While Brushduck has no proof of the truth or otherwise of the these allegations, Chadma Poling has! But he says that disclosure is not convenient.
Artist’s reconstruction – seems unlikely?
Further, the state-run Chinese website China Tibet Online revealed last week that Lhamo Kyab, referred to as a senior member of the “Dalai Lama clique’s education system”, has authored a “Self-immolation Guide” which aims to aims to “standardize and systematize the self-immolation behavior so as to manipulate it like an assembly line in the future”, in order to promote the Dalai Lama goals, which it says include protest against Chinese rule.
The Tibetan government-in-exile in Dharamsala has, unsurprisingly, distanced itself from both Lhamo Kyab and his guide. However, the Dalia Lama has been criticised in the past for failing to denounce incidents of self-immolation.
The tragedy remains that since 27 February 2009, when a young Tibetan monk called Tapey attempted self-immolation in a marketplace in Sichuan, it is estimated that 78 Tibetans have burned themselves to death on account of their discontent with Chinese rule. The frequency of incidents peaked between March 2011 and March 2012, following the death of Phuntsog, again in Sichuan.
With the exciting news that David Beckham has been named as the first global ambassador for Chinese football, Brushduck presents a quick, and sometimes accurate, guide to the essential lingo for those tracking Becks in his new and exerting role tackling corruption in the Chinese Super League (CSL):
WATCHING YOU: “Riches and honor depend on heaven”
- 大卫·贝克汉姆 (Dàwèi Bèikèhànmǔ): David Beckham
- 小贝 (Xiǎo Bèi): Becks
- 金球 (Jīn qiú): Golden Balls
- 维多利亚·贝克汉姆 (Wéiduōlìyà Bèikèhànmǔ): Victoria Beckham
- 高贵辣妹 (Gāoguì Làmèi): Posh Spice
- 像贝克汉姆一样香蕉射球 (Xiàng Bèikèhànmǔ yīyàng xiāngjiāo shèqiú): Bend it like Beckham
- 任意球 (Rènyìqiú): Free kick
- 红牌 (Hóng pái): Red card
- 内衣 (Nèiyī): Underwear
- 布鲁克林·贝克汉姆 (Bùlǔkèlín Bèikèhànmǔ): Brooklyn Beckham
- 哈珀·七·贝克汉姆 (Hāpò Qī Bèikèhànmǔ): Harper Seven Beckham
- 腐败 (Fǔbài): Corruption
- 受贿 (Shòuhuì): Bribery
D-Beck’s aptitude for foreign languages is well known – see below, for example, his final press conference in Spanish in 2007 following 4 years spent with La Liga giants Real Madrid. We hope the England legend is currently perfecting his tones ahead of his head first dive into the murky underworld of Chinese football. “I got the ball ref!”
Have we missed any essential Becks vocab? Comments welcome below!