Tag Archives: blogs

Lil Kim is Sexy and he knows it

The People’s Daily, once referred to as the codpiece (sorry mouthpiece) of the Chinese Communist Party has reported an article in the satirical website the Onion as fact.

The Onion declared Kim Jong Un, or Lil Kim as he is affectionately known as ‘the Sexiest Man Alive in 2012’

The Onion reported:

With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile,” it said.

“He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,” said Marissa Blake-Zweiber, editor of The Onion Style and Entertainment.

The fact that the People’s Daily are even bothering to report this sort of tripe, would make Mao turn over in his Maoseleum. In the 1950s TV and radio were known as the ‘throat and tongue’ (houshe 喉舌) of the Chinese Communist Party and they played a key role in disseminating Party policy and propaganda to the far reaching corners of China. In 2012, it seems they are scouring the internet for titbits desperate to gain a market share.

 

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Filed under censorship, comedy, Communist Party, Kim Jong Il, Politics, Propaganda

In the land of the blind, the man with one Weetabix is king.

In a brief round up of news from the central kingdom:

– blind Chinese activist Chen Guangcheng might be allowed to go on a ‘gap year’ to the states

Chen had campaigned against forced abortions in his home province of Shandong and had met the brunt of provincial official brutality. Until he knocked on the US door of the US embassy….

– Weetabix are now 60% owned by Chinese company Bright Food.

The Sun have reported that the boss of Bright Food can only manage two Weetabix for breakfast…

either breakfasts in China will start getting better, or breakfast in England will be full of cadmium dihydrophosphodiesterase E4934.

I happen to like Weetabix but a head chef at the Savoy describes them as “cakes that you give to dogs”

Bright Food are also after United Biscuits, which makes Jaffa Cakes and Hula Hoops, and French yoghurt group Yoplait.

What next? Curly Wurlys and petit filous watch out..

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Filed under Advertising, Blogs, Breakfast, comedy

Ramen Infographic

Why Ramen is great:
We Love Ramen Infographic
Created by: HackCollege.com

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Filed under Art, Design, Food, Propaganda

One Tiger Eight Breasts

the image now known as “一虎八奶图” one tiger, eight breasts (I can only spot 4)

According to an article in the Guardian : Ai Weiwei is now being charged with spreading ‘pornographic’ images all over the web. Ai invited some 网友 (net friends) over to his studio, shot some nudies and put them up on the web and then forgot he had done so.  The Chinese government view Ai as a tax evading dissident who is supported and praised by those in the west. The government are often cracking down on online pornography (they arrested 5,394 for disseminating online porn in 2009)

Ai told associated press: “If they see nudity as pornography, then China is still in the Qing dynasty,”

In a similar story the French government have removed works of Henri Matisse from gift shops all over Paris and put his grandson under house arrest.

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Filed under Art, censorship, Dispute, Fashion, Politics, Propaganda

Learning from Han Han

Han Han (韓寒) is the most popular blogger in the world, included in New Statesman’s “The World’s 50 Most Influential Figures 2010” and a rally driver – but is his blog actually that good?  And why does he get  millions of hits per day while Brush Duck has only had 198 ever?

To find out I have translated his latest post from his blog Too Cold So Warm, a thriller with a social conscience:

Who are you, why are you asking this?

I remember last summer, when I went to a competition in Chengdu, I passed the City Government buildings.  Of course I did not know for sure that they were City Government buildings, but Chinese administrative buildings have a very distinct quality that you can recognise them.  Like when a girl stands on the side of the street you always know she is a prostitute.  At this time I said to my friend, who have these buildings been auctioned to?  My friend said one word; fart.

At the time of the 2008 earthquake of Wenchuan, the Chengdu Government proclaimed that the newly established Government buildings would be auctioned, with all the proceeds being put towards the recovery process in the disaster area, and this news had evoked a great level of interest and good feeling in the people.  I am a very naïve person, I thought this type of situation and this type of talk was genuine.  At that time I thought there must be a hundred large corporations that would purchase the buildings, to base their headquarters there, not only for the convenient traffic links, but also because if there were another earthquake they would certainly not collapse.  My friend said that the Government had already secretly snuck in.

Han Han wishing he wrote for a blog with film reviews based on trailers

Consequently I wanted to ask in the second issue of 独唱团 (Han Han’s magazine, Party, which seems to have folded after one issue) what the true reason was for the failure to auction the Government buildings, hoping to find a clear answer.  But in order to save the environment I will post it here.  Thanks go to student Cai Lei (蔡蕾) for his help.

I truly feel that if they wished to occupy the building they just should have. But to claim to donate more than 20亿* of Government building, but then only to contribute one piece of seemingly positive news is totally unfair.

At this point Han Han posts his article intended for独唱团

问知情人

At the time of the 2008 Wenchuan earthquake, the Chengdu government said that it would put to auction its brand new buildings, with the proceeds going towards the disaster relief.  I wanted to know what had happened to the buildings – how much money had been raised?

The Chengdu journalist Zheng Mou (郑某) answered not one wisp of cloud.

The construction of the Chengdu administration’s new headquarters began in 2004, and was completed in 2007, occupying 255 亩**, costing around 12亿元*** (reportedly not including the price of the land), and incorporating a high grade conference centre, visitor centre etc.  Based on pictures leaked on the internet, it has been called ‘China’s most luxurious Government building’.

According to plans, the Chengdu City Committee, the National People’s Congress, City Hall, Municipal Administrations Courts, Prosecutor’s Office, close to 70 departments, would move into the centre in 2008.  However just as the relocation process was commencing, the Wenchuan earthquake struck.  On the 15th of July, a Chengdu City Committee member stated that the new Government building would be auctioned, with all the proceeds given to the disaster relief programme, but this was the last that Chengdu residents would read in the media about the new office building.

Ordinary companies would not be able to afford an office space taking up 255 亩, and ones who could would not be unlikely to deal with such a difficult situation, as the auction was by no means formal and seemed already to have fallen through.  At the current time, Chengdu City government departments have already stealthily occupied the building, while it is clear that the media has been forbidden to report on the Government building and the moving arrangements.

In the last few days I have telephoned the Chengdu administration’s general office, the dialogue was as follows.  Question: ‘When will the entire City Government more into the new building?’ Answer: ‘We are not clear about this’.  Response: ‘After the earthquake wasn’t the building to be sold, what’s up with that?’ Response: ‘Who are you? Why are you asking this?’ I respond: ‘I am an ordinary citizen, I want to understand the state of affairs’.  Response:  ‘We are not too clear’.  Question: ‘So who is clear?  I ought to speak with that department?’ Respons: I don’t know. (Phone hangs up).

Soon after I dial the Mayor’s hotline, 12345.  After hearing the call back tone, the phone informs me ‘the line you have called is busy’.  I called again in the morning, afternoon and at night, and everytime ‘the line you have called is busy’.   I also sent SMS messages to the Mayor’s inquiry mailbox, and at the time of writing have yet to receive a response.

* what? um think that’s 20 x 100 million rmb, so maybe £20,000,000,000

** mu! Unit of area equal to one fifteenth of a hectare.  So 38250000 square metres.

*** £12,000,000,000

At this point 6327 of the readers post their comments.

So does he deserve to hold onto his crown as blogger #1?  One comment would make me happy.  And not on the mistakes in my translation!

More thrilling yarns are available at http://blog.sina.com.cn/twocold

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