It’s been over three years since our last KFC update, but happily this time the news is so good you might be tempted to lick your fingers!
Super Chinese search engine Baidu has partnered with the Louisville-based fowl giant Kentucky Fried Chicken to trial a new “smart restaurant” in Beijing. The smart bit is that the restaurant has terminals which use face recognition software to suggest a choice of meal, based on the customer’s age, gender and mood. A worked example might be as follows: “Hi – you appear to be a 47 year old man who is disillusioned with the state of the world in 2017 – have a family bargain bucket!”
However, disappointed fast food enthusiast and former Guns N’ Roses guitarist Buckethead (pictured) is reported as saying that the face recognition terminals “simply do not work”.
65 years after KFC first opened its doors, the identity of the 11 herbs and spices that go into founder Colonel Harland Sanders’ “original recipe” coating remains a matter of intense speculation . However, if I had to guess, I would go for salt, black pepper, white pepper, celery salt, garlic salt, thyme, basil, oregano, dried mustard, paprika and ground ginger.
More at the Guardian.
Position statement: Brushduck opposes the Beijing authorities’ move to ban outdoor grills from the streets of the capital from 1 May 2014
While it is agreed that the rarely reported pollution in Beijing is becoming an issue, we say tackle vehicle and industrial emissions instead – this will also make it nicer when sitting on comically undersized chairs on the side of the road eating yang rou chuanr.
Nothing happened in Tiananmen Square at around midday on Monday 28th October 2013.
State sponsored new agencies and numerous other sources were quick to confirm that nothing happened on Monday.
‘Tiananmen Square, is famous for being a square in the middle of Beijing’
The Guardian and other news agencies around the world reported on an incident involving a jeep in which 38 people were injured.
When asked for a response, one senior official quoted an old proverb: “There is sometimes smoke without fire”
Not always praised for his foresight, it seems that Mao must have had 30 September 2013 in mind when he proclaimed that “Who never climbed the Great Wall cannot be deemed a Man” (不到长城非好汉). For on that day the total ninny from Stratford, Ontario, Justin Beiber, got carried up the Wall by his bodyguards, before celebrating like an idiot.
LaoWai’s repping it in Beijing
Something everybody knew, but would probably have preferred not to have had confirmed, has been confirmed by CCTV this week.
That something is that if you plan on grabbing a drink at KFC in Beijing, you would be 13 times better off filling your own ice tray from a public loo, freezing the cubes at home, and taking the cubes along to KFC, than lumping for KFC’s own ice cubes. Ok, let’s say ten times better off (less convenient).
OK, here comes the science bit – a Beijing KFC’s ice cubes were reported to contain 900 colony-forming units (CFU) of bacteria per millilitre. That is 13 times more than toilet water and more than 20 times the national limit (though to my mind 45 CFUs per millilitre doesn’t sound that healthy either).
However rest assured that shrimp flavoured potato chips have been given the all clear.
For more, see the South China Morning Post.
Not as well known as Hong Kong or Shanghai for it’s upwards protrusions, Beijing does still have its fair share of mighty erections. And, with the skyline already boasting one building firmly in the the trouser department (the quite unique CCTV Headquarters, commonly known as 大裤衩 or “Big Pants”), purile Beijingers now been handed the gift of the new People’s Daily HQ to laugh at:
“But…it looks like a…colossal penis!”
Let’s hope that the new workplace will inspire People’s Daily staff to produce some truly seminal output!
the image now known as “一虎八奶图” one tiger, eight breasts (I can only spot 4)
According to an article in the Guardian : Ai Weiwei is now being charged with spreading ‘pornographic’ images all over the web. Ai invited some 网友 (net friends) over to his studio, shot some nudies and put them up on the web and then forgot he had done so. The Chinese government view Ai as a tax evading dissident who is supported and praised by those in the west. The government are often cracking down on online pornography (they arrested 5,394 for disseminating online porn in 2009)
Ai told associated press: “If they see nudity as pornography, then China is still in the Qing dynasty,”
In a similar story the French government have removed works of Henri Matisse from gift shops all over Paris and put his grandson under house arrest.
So you want to know what its like being in a Chinese state prison? It is a bit like the Kafka-esque nightmare of trying to get a westbound cab on a street that only goes east. I tried to make Beijing my home. Built a nest.
But a bird like me needs a solid tree for my nest. Beijing is a withering polluted willow tree. Having said that, there are some great places to go for cocktails.
If you want a cheap and cheerful night in Beijing. Mix and Vics are a safe bet. Blu bar is pretty cool.
Lychee Martinis are excellent in Beijing. It is really hard to get a cab sometimes. In summer Beijing gets super stuffy. Aircon is a must.
Apartments are getting more and more expensive. You can pay a fortune in Chaoyang for a room that is barely the size of a cell. (I should know). The apple store can get really busy sometimes. er. Am I allowed to say that?
Love Ai WeiWei
Crowds at the Apple Store Beijing
The Associated Press call in their most irritating reporter