Guan me lad!

A big Brushduck shout out to 14.5 year old amateur Guan Tianlang, who tees off for his Masters debut at the Augusta National Golf Club today as the tournament’s youngest ever player.

Hope he has a spare pair of those trousers - in case he gets a hole in one!

I hope he has a spare pair of those trousers – in case he gets a hole in one!

Stay tuned to this blog where we will be reporting on his tournament on Sunday night (if he wins).

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Man who denounced his mother denounces his actions

A moving video report from the Guardian.

Anonymous stories of children denouncing their parents as counterrevolutionaries are often used to illustrate the all-pervasive horrors of the Cultural Revolution.  However, it is a brave move for this man to talk openly about his regrets over his actions forty-three years on.

 

Click here to see the video.

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How to unload bamboo

A good example from Taiwan of how to save on manual labour

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“Flying Pigs” in Shanghai decide to go for a swim

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Artists impression of the Huangpu Porcus Volare

According to state sources a flock of more than 2,800 flying pigs decided to go for a swim in the Huangpu river. “Unfortunately the pigs’ ability to fly”, stated Lai Lai a government official, “is better than their swimming”. The carcasses were found floating in the river creating a foul stench that has made many reporting the story sick in their own mouths.

Official sources have strenuously denied any suggestion of government environmental policy being to blame. ‘Its just one of things. Pig’s like to swim’ said Po Ki Pai, environmental liaison officer for Shanghai.  

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From the Guardian:

The Jiaxing Daily newspaper in northern Zhejiang province quoted a villager as saying that over the past two months almost 20,000 pigs in his village have died of unknown causes. While Shanghai compensates its farmers for properly disposing of dead swine, the newspaper said, Zhejiang and Jiangsu provinces lack a comparable incentive system, so farmers there often dump their pig carcasses directly into local rivers.   

 

The mystery continues…  

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Bad drunken decisions

We’ve all tried a nifty shortcut on the way home when sozzled.  But when rolling back from his village local in rural Zhejiang in the early hours of Thursday morning, I’m sure this man didn’t expect his ambitious diversion would end up being splashed across the UK’s finest (Sun, Daily Mail).

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Um.. help?

The unfortunate man had to wait til morning to be rescued when the owner of one of the walls (pictured on the left) allowed the fire department to knock through it.

A lesson to all.

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Dalai Lama under fire

Often seen as the world’s biggest goody goody, the Dalai Lama has been accused by chairman of the Tibet Autonomous Region People’s Congress (TAR) Chadma Poling of paying Tibetans in areas of Sichuan, Gansu and Qinghai in China’s south-west to set themselves on fire to stick it to the Chinese government.  While Brushduck has no proof of the truth or otherwise of the these allegations, Chadma Poling has!  But he says that disclosure is not convenient.

Artist's reconstruction

Artist’s reconstruction – seems unlikely?

Further, the state-run Chinese website China Tibet Online revealed last week that Lhamo Kyab, referred to as a senior member of the “Dalai Lama clique’s education system”, has authored a “Self-immolation Guide” which aims to aims to “standardize and systematize the self-immolation behavior so as to manipulate it like an assembly line in the future”, in order to promote the Dalai Lama goals, which it says include protest against Chinese rule.  

The Tibetan government-in-exile in Dharamsala has, unsurprisingly, distanced itself from both Lhamo Kyab and his guide.  However, the Dalia Lama has been criticised in the past for failing to denounce incidents of self-immolation.

The tragedy remains that since 27 February 2009, when a young Tibetan monk called Tapey attempted self-immolation in a marketplace in Sichuan, it is estimated that 78 Tibetans have burned themselves to death on account of their discontent with Chinese rule.   The frequency of incidents peaked between March 2011 and March 2012, following the death of Phuntsog, again in Sichuan.

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Becks to tackle Chinese footy corruption

With the exciting news that David Beckham has been named as the first global ambassador for Chinese football, Brushduck presents a quick, and sometimes accurate, guide to the essential lingo for those tracking Becks in his new and exerting role tackling corruption in the Chinese Super League (CSL):

Beckham supporting China's fight against football corruption

WATCHING YOU: “Riches and honor depend on heaven”

  • 大卫·贝克汉姆 (Dàwèi Bèikèhànmǔ): David Beckham
  • 小贝 (Xiǎo Bèi): Becks
  • 金球 (Jīn qiú): Golden Balls
  • 维多利亚·贝克汉姆 (Wéiduōlìyà Bèikèhànmǔ): Victoria Beckham
  • 高贵辣妹 (Gāoguì Làmèi): Posh Spice
  • 像贝克汉姆一样香蕉射球 (Xiàng Bèikèhànmǔ yīyàng xiāngjiāo shèqiú): Bend it like Beckham
  • 任意球 (Rènyìqiú): Free kick
  • 红牌 (Hóng pái): Red card
  • 内衣 (Nèiyī): Underwear
  • 布鲁克林·贝克汉姆 (Bùlǔkèlín Bèikèhànmǔ):  Brooklyn Beckham
  • 哈珀·七·贝克汉姆 (Hāpò Qī Bèikèhànmǔ): Harper Seven Beckham
  • 腐败 (Fǔbài): Corruption
  • 受贿 (Shòuhuì): Bribery

D-Beck’s aptitude for foreign languages is well known – see below, for example, his final press conference in Spanish in 2007 following 4 years spent with La Liga giants Real Madrid.  We hope the England legend is currently perfecting his tones ahead of his head first dive into the murky underworld of Chinese football.  “I got the ball ref!”

Have we missed any essential Becks vocab?  Comments welcome below!

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check out this post from in the loop

In the loop

China’s renowned environmental reporter Liu Futang was sentenced to a 3 year probation against the backdrop of the ruling Communist Party’s increasing emphasis on “Ecological Civilisation”.

The veteran environmentalist was found guilty by the local court in South China Hainan Province for “illegal business activities” and fined £1,700 last Wednesday.

The prosecutors claimed Liu had profited illegally from his self-publishing books despite that Liu gave away most of his books for free. The trial against Liu opened in October was believed to be a political retaliation as Liu’s books exposed environmental degradations caused by government-backed projects.

Wednesday’s conviction, came only weeks after 18th Party Congress’s high profile advocacy of building a “Ecological Civilisation”, is believed to effectively silence the vocal environmentalist.

The self-contradicted act has casted shadow on China’s environmental commitment and worried China’s green activists.
Feng Yongfeng, founder of the Beijing-based NGO Green Beagle, regretted that the…

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Lil Kim is Sexy and he knows it

The People’s Daily, once referred to as the codpiece (sorry mouthpiece) of the Chinese Communist Party has reported an article in the satirical website the Onion as fact.

The Onion declared Kim Jong Un, or Lil Kim as he is affectionately known as ‘the Sexiest Man Alive in 2012’

The Onion reported:

With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true. Blessed with an air of power that masks an unmistakable cute, cuddly side, Kim made this newspaper’s editorial board swoon with his impeccable fashion sense, chic short hairstyle, and, of course, that famous smile,” it said.

“He has that rare ability to somehow be completely adorable and completely macho at the same time,” said Marissa Blake-Zweiber, editor of The Onion Style and Entertainment.

The fact that the People’s Daily are even bothering to report this sort of tripe, would make Mao turn over in his Maoseleum. In the 1950s TV and radio were known as the ‘throat and tongue’ (houshe 喉舌) of the Chinese Communist Party and they played a key role in disseminating Party policy and propaganda to the far reaching corners of China. In 2012, it seems they are scouring the internet for titbits desperate to gain a market share.

 

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Obama’s natural advantage (according to Durex)

Durex’s China posted an ad suggesting that the difference between the two US presidential candidates can be boiled down to the measurements of their masculine protrusions. Size does matter.

 

The post was in a microblog on Weibo (chinese Twitter)  

The caption says: “The difference between Obama and Romney is…”

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silly old me thinking the election was won on the almost $6 billion ad spend… 

 

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