Category Archives: comedy

World’s most popular beer? Want to pee on a turtle?

Any idea what the most popular beer in the world is?

Sitting back with your friends enjoying a bud? Waaazzzzup?

enjoy drinking what is probably the best lager?

Would you give a XXXX for it? Best things come to those who wait?

No. The world’s most popular beer is Snow Beer (雪花啤酒)

According to the Telegraph, the Chinese drank 16.5bn pints of Snow last year.

Although most Chinese beers taste quite samey (think of a watered down bud light), I happen to think Snow actually tastes quite nice with a spicy meal. It is pretty inoffensive. At least I thought they were until I saw their latest marketing campaign…..

Snow beer are offering several lucky punters the chance to go to Kekexili – the Tibetan plateau. Here the fortunate winners can trod around on environmentally protected ground pissing off endangered species such as the Tibetan antelope . According to Jonathan Watts’ article in the Guardian, the plateau is “China’s most treasured nature reserve’ and has a ‘No Human Zone’, which as the name implies, is not supposed to be visited by anyone, yet Snow have gone ahead with their promotion even before they have permission.”

It would be as if Fosters offered their punters the chance for a lads holiday to the Galapagos islands to go and drink some brews, piss on a turtle’s face and eat its eggs in a giant fry up.

I should stop now, I don’t want to give them any ideas for competitions.

1 Comment

Filed under Advertising, Animal, Beer, comedy, environment, Film, News, Tibet

That Ai Wei Wei controversial review of Beijing in full.

So you want to know what its like being in a Chinese state prison? It is a bit like the Kafka-esque nightmare of trying to get a westbound cab on a street that only goes east. I tried to make Beijing my home. Built a nest.

But a bird like me needs a solid tree for my nest. Beijing is a withering polluted willow tree. Having said that, there are some great places to go for cocktails.

If you want a cheap and cheerful night in Beijing. Mix and Vics are a safe bet. Blu bar is pretty cool.

Lychee Martinis are excellent in Beijing. It is really hard to get a cab sometimes. In summer Beijing gets super stuffy. Aircon is a must.

Apartments are getting more and more expensive. You can pay a fortune in Chaoyang for a room that is barely the size of a cell. (I should know). The apple store can get really busy sometimes. er. Am I allowed to say that?

Love Ai WeiWei


Crowds at the Apple Store Beijing

1 Comment

Filed under Art, comedy, News, Politics, protest

David Ovulation Test

Late?

Had unprotected sex?

Have no fear and let the David Ovulation Test allay your fears.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under comedy, Health

Panda Dogs

Apparently the latest craze in China is to make your dog look like a Panda.

I really feel like I should be condemning this sort of behaviour, but I think if someone offered me a panda dog I would probably take it.

For those of you that don’t know,

Differences between a panda and a dog:

Dogs crap everywhere and have a massive sex drive. Pandas eat bamboo.

Here are some panda dogs being exhibited:

The mail also write about the wild tiger dog too:

Leave a comment

Filed under Blogs, comedy, Panda, Science

What do you get if you cross an Australian with the Dalai Lama?

If you are going to try your new gag material out on someone, why not try it on the spiritual leader of Tibetan Buddhism?

One plucky Australian journalist thought he would try his joke out on live TV on his Holiness the Dalai Lama.

You have to give him some credit for giving it a go. Apparently his network have canceled his upcoming interviews with the Pope, an Irishman and the Virgin Mary.

Leave a comment

Filed under comedy, News, TV, Video

Arsenal hope to end trophy drought in China

As loathed as I am to put anything Arsenal related on this site… This video is actually quite funny.

Arsenal will be playing Hangzhou Greentown on July 16th (Go Hangzhou!)

Comments Off on Arsenal hope to end trophy drought in China

Filed under comedy, Football, Sport

Wen Jiabao nailing a lay up

Watch: Wen Jiabao hoops it up for Children’s Day celebrations – Shanghaiist.

There is a disturbing trend of politicians getting their hands dirty and posing for the cameras none more than when it comes to sport. Here is Premier Wen showing us his hoop dreams:

This week Camron (as he now likes to be called) and O’bama posed like the best mates they are, playing ping pong in an attempt to show their solidarity in an attempt to say to the Chinese “we can play ping pong too”.

 

 

 

2 Comments

Filed under comedy, News, Sport

Strange fruit exploding

Excessive use of growth accelerator Forchlorfenuron has caused watermelons to explode like landmines in Danyang near Nanjing.  Pan Jing of Greenpeace said farmers depended on fertilisers because many doubled as migrant workers and had less time for their crops.

😦

http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2011/may/17/exploding-watermelons-chinese-farming

Fruit is not always good for you

According to research published in 2001, 3.4 per cent of injuries requiring surgery in the Solomon Islands were coconut-palm related. Only 16 per cent of these were people hit by falling coconuts. The rest were people falling from trees.

Leave a comment

Filed under comedy, environment, Food

China stamps out ‘Hot Tub Time Machine’ style plots

China bans time travel for television – Business 360 – CNN.com Blogs.

As part of the cultural crackdown in China, State Administration of Radio Film and Television (SARFT) has decided to discourage plots using time travel or other surreal devices in its TV shows.

According to CNN: they are discouraging plot lines that contain elements of “fantasy, time-travel, random compilations of mythical stories, bizarre plots, absurd techniques, even propagating feudal superstitions, fatalism and reincarnation, ambiguous moral lessons, and a lack of positive thinking.”

If you have ever watched a Chinese epic drama you may be perplexed how they are going to do this. The Chinese classic ‘Journey to the West’ centers around a Monkey born out of a stone egg who eats a magic peach and then gains immortal powers. His powers include the ability to pluck hairs from his body, blow on them and convert them into whatever he wants.

Surreal?

I remain naively hopeful that the SARFT regulations are more of an attempt to stamp out lazy writing devices

Leave a comment

Filed under comedy, Film, Propaganda, TV, Video

Chinese Black Swan

Chinese Party Officials try to recreate a seen from Darren Aronofsky’s Oscar Winning Black Swan

The Officials photographed are decked up in environmentally friendly clothing to promote a ‘low carbon lifestyle’. The event was held at a Beijing CPPCC annual gala on the evening of January 18. I am not really sure what else to say.

Leave a comment

Filed under Art, comedy, environment, Fashion, Film, Propaganda